human, being

I only do kegels when I hear the word kegels
January 17, 2009, 2:37 pm
Filed under: Girl Stuff

Last night, I tuned into Oprah’s webcast with Dr. Laura Berman on sex (This link will take you to the download). It was interesting and hilarious at the same time because Oprah is so obviously uncomfortable talking about sex in detail. I have to say I got some perverse pleasure about watching the poised of the poised squirm a little.

One hilarious moment: Dr. Berman started talking about kegels. And when she said the word, I found myself squeezing those particular muscles, a la Pavlov’s dog. Oprah started making faces because she was doing them too, and I laughed and wondered if I’m not alone in this phenomenon. I mean, all of us women know we’re supposed to do kegels at every traffic light, or during TV commercials. I hope we know that we’re not supposed to do them on the toilet (you want to relax there). The benefits of strong PC muscles range from lack of stress incontinence (ah-choo, oh no I peed) to more intense orgasms. Men should exercise their pelvic muscles too for the same reasons. Dr. Berman said we all should be doing AT LEAST 100 kegels every day.

I’m sorry, what?

In order for me to do kegels, I’m going to have to change the ring tone on my cell phone to the word KEGEL (over and over) so I’ll remember to do them. I’ll have to add another reminder to my Outlook calendar, put a sticky note on the refrigerator, write the word on my hand in Sharpie. Maybe then I’ll get in the prescribed 100 or so every day.

The webcast was also interesting because of the questions that were asked. The discussion included everything from sex toys (girls, check out the Adonis in Dr. Berman’s own sex toy line), to lack of libido in men and women, to helping men hold out longer, to fantasies, to ways to spice up a dull sex life, to (ahem) anal sex. That one really made Oprah squirm.

I loved this series about “Your Best Sex Life.” I am a big believer in the idea that women should embrace their sexuality and should RIGHT NOW stop judging themselves for the things they feel and fantasize about. I spent most of my life believing that there was something fundamentally wrong with me because you know what, I like sex. A lot. Now, I’ve come to terms with who I am as a woman, and this woman is a sexual being. And face it, we all are sexual beings. It’s normal. It’s natural. It is nothing to be ashamed of, ever. I think that the shame and embarrassment many women feel about sex is anti-feminist; it’s a way for our patriarchal society to keep us girls in our places. I believe that when women of all ages take back their sexual power (instead of giving it away, as we’re raised to do for the most part), we grow stronger as mothers, workers, lovers, sisters, friends. Embracing our sexual side means we fully accept every part of ourselves. And that makes us powerful beyond measure.

I want Lauren to grow up believing that her sexual feelings are natural, normal and good. I want her to never feel shamed about this core part of her, as I did. Sure, there’s a time, a place, and a level of emotional security I believe are essential to being healthy–spiritually, emotionally and physically–as a sexual being. I hope that when the time comes, I am brave enough to walk this talk with her. And of course, I’ll tell her about kegels. And maybe she’ll be better about doing them than I am.


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