human, being

The case of the projectile-vomiting cat
April 7, 2009, 10:46 am
Filed under: life | Tags: , ,

Percy, King Vomitus?

On the way to the kitchen this morning, I stepped in a pile of cat vomit. It was cold. It was slimy. It was GROSS. Did I mention my feet were bare?

Now, if you have a cat, you’re going to have a little cat puke every now and then. Hairballs are usually the main culprit. Lately, however, the vomit volume points to something other than a hairball.

This morning’s pile was less of a pile and more of a streak. A two-foot long streak. If it was kibble puke, that’s not such a big deal. But this is canned food puke, which when combined with pale carpet is a disaster. The streaks look like someone sloshed a pail of puke across the floor. In our bedroom last night, I found some on the wall about six inches beyond a pile. This is not funny people!

Noelle, Princess Puke?

Last week, we experienced no fewer than eight large piles/streaks all over the place: our window seat, the master bedroom, the kitchen, and the dining/living room. Not once did I catch the kitty in the act of upchucking, and I don’t know whether it’s Noelle or Percy doing it. Or both.

This morning, as I scrubbed up the mess, Noelle twined under me meowing her “I’m starved and going to fall over and die if you don’t feed me just this instant” meow. I know for a fact that Steve fed both cats this morning, so she was not starving to death. Percy is Never Full so I ignore his plaintive cries for victuals. But whoever is doing this much throwing up is probably hungry for real. I just don’t know who it is. When I ask them, they’re silent, covering for each other. Because they know that once I find out who’s doing it, they’re going in the CAR to the PLACE OF STRANGE SMELLS AND THINGS UP YOUR BUTT.

They’re right.

At this point, our wall-to-wall carpet is ruined. Not just because of the puke stains, but because Steve, in a fury-driven episode last week sprayed Clorox bleach on all the spots. So now we have huge bleach stains throughout our house, which makes it look even more like a crack house. I spent $200 on throw rugs this weekend to at least partially cover the damage. And guess what? The cat/s puked on two of those this morning too! Joy of joys.

We’ve talked about putting in hardwood floors throughout the house to the tune of about $4k, but I know what that would lead to: a whole house remodel.

  • Spanking new floors will make all the woodwork look like it’s 25 years old, which it is, so we’ll replace it.
  • Which will make all the doors look cheap and beaten up (they are). New doors, yay!
  • With a new floor to compete with, the stained and cracked kitchen counters will certainly need to be replaced. Oh, and don’t forget the cabinets, because that coat of paint that “freshened them up” will look like crap too.
  • With new counters and cabinets in the kitchen, the bathrooms will be screaming for facelifts too.
  • And then we’re at least $10k into a house we don’t want to live in more than another 2 years. All because of a mystery projectile-vomiting cat.

Of course, these costs are on top of the coming vet bills, because I have to get to the bottom of who is puking and why.

Part of me suspects the Wellness soft food, because that’s what they’re throwing up. We thought maybe it was a bad can, but we’ve opened a new one every time we’ve fed them. Can all of them be bad? Perhaps.

So I’ll switch their canned food tonight, and take them both to the vet this weekend (at about $150) to make sure no one is dying. Hopefully all will be well and the new food will stop the projectile-vomiting. In the meantime, I’m seriously tempted to save what’s left of our carpet by putting down plastic drop cloths everywhere. Which will look SO much better.


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