human, being

May 19, 2009, 7:28 pm
Filed under: divorce | Tags: , , ,

Tonight, L came home from dinner with her dad wearing a silver necklace with a small disc pendant. The letters L-O-V-E are punched out.

L: Look what Miss S gave me tonight!

Me: Ooh, that’s pretty. Why did she give it to you?

L: Because she said she loves me like a daughter. She got one for E and H too. E’s says hope and H says peace.

I tell her it’s pretty. She looks at me guiltily. I wonder what’s coming next.

L: You know, dad and S are getting married in two Octobers, right?

Me: Yeah …

L: Well, I was wondering if it would be OK if after they get married … She pauses. Looks away. Looks at me.

Me: um, humm

L: Well, would it be OK if I call S Mom, too?

Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. I try to smile. I don’t want her to call anyone but me Mom. I’M MOM damnit.

Me: … Well, yes, but as long as you remember who your Momma is.That’s me.

L: Of course, Mommy. I know that you’re my first mom.

L looks at me seriously: You know what the best thing is Momma? I’ve always wanted them to get married because then my dad will have a family. Like you and Steve have a family. So that means I don’t have to worry about him being lonely when I’m not with him.

I feel her sorrow that her dad hasn’t had the family I’ve had for the past several years. Even with the girlfriends, none has been serious enough to warrant such ideas as calling them mom. I try to be the bigger person, when all I want to do is tell her no, you can’t, because it hurts me. But it’s not about me, is it? It’s about her happiness.

Me: You know, the best thing about our hearts is we’re capable of loving lots of people a whole lot at the same time.

L: Yeah, our hearts are like balloons that we can fill and fill and fill with love, and they get bigger and bigger but never pop.

Food for thought from an 7-year-old.


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

That is a very sweet child.

Comment by DOMINO

Your daughter is amazing.
I hope her heart never pops.

Comment by Brandy

You have a wise little girl there and she is a wise little girl because you raised her to be that way. I know that couldn’t have been your most favorite conversation but I think you handled it with grace. As a kid of divorce, it’s hard to worry about one parent not being as loved as much. I really admire you for having your personal feelings but letting your daughter have her own and not imposing your hurt on her.

And thank you for sharing your journey. It helps all of us. 🙂 *hugs*

Comment by Talia

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: